Chuckie gets Christmas presents.

December 24, 2007

I discovered Chuckie’s Christmas list in the trash.  He wrote it up hoping against hope that someone cared enough to give him a gift, but that won’t happen because even the president of the Douches of the World Club thinks Chuckie is too much of a douche to pay any attention to.  Here is the contents of Chuckie’s list:

“Penis enlargement cream – so the ladies will want me.”  I think with “ladies” he’s referring to his blow up doll collection.

“Male Puppy”  I believe his plan is to sexually molest the dog until it gets big enough to eat.

“Muscle Magazine”  With this one, I think his testicles are so numb from masturbation (SINNER!) that he needs a visual when thinking about the dreamy body-builder neighbor.

“Pictures of my enemies”  At first, I thought this was everyone, but then I realized he just means every man and woman on the planet that won’t have sex with him – which would be everyone, so I guess my first thought was right.  Always go with your first instinct.

No matter what is on his list, the only thing he will get is some clothes from his Mommy.  She’s getting tired of supporting him and only buys him clothes to kill two birds with one stone.  Chuckie, do you know that she resents you for being a big, fat, loser leech?  Do you have any idea of how disappointed in you she is?  Every time she gives you a compliment, it is only because she feels like a bad mother because you are such a douche.  She feels like she failed (which she did) and is only trying to make herself feel better.

Christmas, is Chuckie really a douche?

December 24, 2007

Christmas, Just what is it about anymore?

By

Chuckie “douche” Adkins

As I approach this Holiday season, I find myself compelled to write, even though I have nothing intelligent to say and I’m not very good at writing stuff.  I will admit that these Holiday seasons do not hold the magic that they once possessed with me, and I know all about being possessed because every couple of hours the “gay demon” possesses me and compels me to stare at my own man-boobs in the mirror. I have many fond memories of getting fondled in my childhood, growing fat here in southwest Detroit in the 1980’s where I learned to be a loser.

Christmas time at my grandmother’s house was such beloved time. My cousins would come down from Homer, Michigan to beat on me; I did not see them much, only during Holidays or usually during the summer, when they would come for a visit just so they could smack me around.  I think that’s where the brain damage came from and I’m sure they used an ugly stick once or twice – maybe more.

Those were memorable times because I obviously memorably them. As far as I was concerned, we were millionaires, even though we didn’t have shoes or protective head gear – or at least, I didn’t. The food, the smells, the incest, it was amazing. My grandmother’s cooking was, as far as I was concerned, something equal to what one would get in Americas finest restaurants even though I’ve never been to one so I don’t know for sure. Possibly, more so, because there was one special ingredient, that one could not find in a restaurant, in a million years, if they tried, and that was penis.

That is right penis. The kind of penis that is mentioned as a sin in the Holy Bible, you know, that annoying book that the liberals hate and I don’t understand? The kind of penis that Israel’s and the World’s Messiah, the spaghetti monster spoke of, when he said this:

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye butt-love one another; as I have butt-loved you, that ye also butt-love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have butt-loved one to another. (Homer 6:66)

That word butt-love in the original Greek language is butt-agapao? or as some call it butt-agape, that is an unconditional butt-love. The kind of butt-love that says, I do not care what you say or do, I am still going to butt-love you, no matter what, even if you scream and cry. That is just how my grandmother was. She butt-loved all of us kids with her fingers or a strap-on. I am sure that there were times when we kids tried her patience or dare I say it? Her faith. However, I can honestly say, there was not ever an instance where my grandmother ever had to severely discipline any of us more than the normal whippings and head trauma. My grandmother laid down the law with her daughters, she told them, “If I ever have to get on to any of these kids without my strap-on, I will not watch them.” She never had to. My Mother always gave me solemn orders, I was never to act up at grandma’s house while she was butt-loving me, or else I would get my meat beat when I got home. Given those conditions, I was never keen on doing anything foolish at her house, since I enjoyed the strap-on so much, but I also loved getting my meat beat, so it was tempting. This was in fact, living proof that sex based discipline and corporal punishment worked in my twisted family home. Something that makes Liberal cringe and would make someone like liberal child “doctor” Benjamin Spock roll over in his shallow grave. Thank you for ruining the 1960’s when butt-love and meat beating was so much fun.

However, alas, those old days of Christmas are gone forever. Our family left southwest Detroit in 1989 because I got beat up so much. We came to the suburbs and combined our households into one giant incestuous nest. Grandma lost her battle with Alzheimer’s disease in 2003, which is sad because I raped her a lot since she couldn’t remember it. My cousins are all grown and married and have their own normal lives, so they don’t come to smack me around any more. The magic is just gone, and so is the group butt-love. Christmas is no longer, at least with me anyhow, the joyous season of incest that it once was. I have grown up physically, meaning slightly taller, balder and a lot more “husky”; the innocence of incestuous butt-love is no longer. It just seems that Christmas is anymore, just another day of masturbation and glory-hole peeping.  I miss Grandma’s strap-on.

Another thing that greatly dismays me is the fact that there are people out there, who want to take the butt-love out of this time of the year. As a born again Christian of 25 years, this is most bothersome thing I do, besides masturbating. I am not saying that we should discount other Religious Holidays during this time. However, for Liberal who want an Anti-butt-love mandate passed, that people do not say “bend over and take it like a man” instead replacing it with a very shallow, “Merry Christmas.” Has the world gone crazy? Can someone please tell me when it became a federal crime, to wish someone a greeting that coincides with a the type of hot, incestuous gay sex that one chooses to observe and participate in? This is a textbook example of Political correctness gone horribly amuck.

Of course, the liberal with their atheistically agenda want no butt-love, no family incest, no masturbation, none of that. They want a socialist society with no incest, no butt-love, nothing, just gay sexless abandonment. This is the same idiot who believes that we evolved from monkeys. This is a science that has been proven wrong in my small mind, many times over. Just like global warming.  Because, as a high-school drop-out with disabilities, some of them not documented, I’m easily convinced of lots of things like that.

I do, admittedly, at times, with all the commercialization of this wonderful holiday, find myself asking; just what is this Holiday about anymore? When I find myself asking this question, I turn to the one thing that cuts through all the obfuscation, and that is the book that I hold dearest to my heart, The Playgirl Magazine.

This, My friends, is what Christmas is truly about:

1.      Hot monkey love with my right hand after watching my dreamy body-builder neighbor wash his car topless.

2.      Pooping my pants on purpose and Getting a hand job from Mommy when she changes me.

3.      Having sex with a dog before I eat it.

4.      Peeping at Mommy while she showers.

5.      Lining up my blow up doll collection to repair them and lick them clean for the new year.

6.      Swallowing Barbie doll heads.

7.      Paying a crack whore to talk about touching me on the arm, since she won’t do any more that..

8.      Trolling the intarwebs and parroting other writers and passing it off as original.

9.      Standing on a mirror and masturbating to the sight of my own hairy ass.

10.  Restocking my supply of lubricants.

Anything other than this is just crass commercialism of  my sacred Holiday.

Original Posting at the douche’s blog.

Chuckie’s gay jealous rage

December 21, 2007

The douche is all charged up today with gay jealous rage.  First, he’s mad at Dana Milbanks because he found out that Dana is Keith Olberman’s gay lover.  The douche cleverly discovered that Dana is a unisex name and could therefore be considered gay sounding.  It was devilishly clever for the douche and he probably congratulated himself for at least an hour for thinking it up…or at least until his next scheduled masturbation time (SINNER!).

Then, he got mad at Mitt Romney because Mitt was mean enough to stick his foot in his own mouth, instead of in Chuckie’s mouth and fulfilling one of Chuckie’s gay fantasies (SINNER!).

Give it up douche.  No man or woman will ever love you or want you (blow up sex dolls don’t count (SINNER!)) – except your mother, but she has to.

Christmas presents!

December 21, 2007

Hey, douche!  Do you know what I’m doing right now?  I’m creating a photo album for my mother.  I took her on a ten day trip through Europe for her 80th birthday this year.  We went to London, Paris and Rome.  It was the trip of a lifetime for my sainted mother, beautiful wife and super-smart son.  It was absolutely incredible.

Why such an apparently lame Christmas gift for my mother?  Because it was the trip of a lifetime where we were all happy and amazed and feeling very special.  I’m giving her visual memories of one of the best times of her life.  That is something you will never experience because you are cruel and mean and a little man.  You are a complete failure at life because instead of trying to make something of yourself, you sat on your fat lazy ass and waited for the world to hand you something.  You got way more than you deserve.

You couldn’t make photo album of the best time you and your mother spent together – because it would consist entire of pictures of her changing your diaper.

Remember two things this Christmas, Chuckie.  Mommy drinks to forget YOU and no, the dreamy body-builder neighbor isn’t going to pretend to be Santa Claus just so you can kiss him.

I mean, I mean…um, duh…Chuckie…uh…type…duh

December 21, 2007

The douche is confused.  Let’s tear this one apart comment, by confused comment:

“Like Wow!”  Oh, I wholeheartedly agree, Douche…or did you just see the dreamy body-builder neighbor you lust after (SINNER!)?

“I mean, what is the deal with the Conservatives and this guy?”  Gee, Douche, you claim to be a conservative, so you should understand…oh, I’m sorry, I forgot for a second that you are an ugly, fat, loser drop-out without an original thought.  Man, you almost tricked me by including that oh so intelligent and incisive “I mean” in there.

“I mean, If anyone is qualified to be President on the Republican side, it’s this guy.”  Wait, you almost tricked me again with that “I mean” and the extra capitalization in the middle of a sentence.  That’s very tricksy of you Douche.  But, I saw right through your rhetorical ploy and discovered…nothing; absolutely nothing – except that you are a fat, ugly, sissy, loser douche.

“Why do the Conservatives hate this guy so much, that they’ll do anything to destroy him.”  Wait, didn’t you just ask this very same question?  Man, you must be confused.  But, that is what I’d expect from a high school drop out loser that spends too much time rotting his mind by watching gay porn (SINNER!).

“I just don’t get it.”  No shit.  This just might be the smartest thing you ever said…if it weren’t for the fact that you say this about everything.  But, at least you are smart enough to know that you aren’t smart enough to know anything.  Now, if you’d just do us all a favor and fall off of the face of the earth, you’d show true genius.

“Anyone?”  That would only be me Chuckie.  No one else reads your loser blog.  No one else cares.  I don’t really care, except that it amuses me to make fun of you.  But, even that is wearing off.  You are a very easy target and it almost seems unfair…until I read all the bile that you’ve spewed over the years and realize that you masturbate to porn all day (SINNER!).

I wonder, Chuckie, did you poop your pants while thinking up this bastion of wit?  Or, did you poop them on purpose so Mommy would change you and give you a hand job?  Have fun crying yourself to sleep tonight…after you masturbate (SINNER!) to gay porn (SINNER!).  Douche.

Chuckie’s Dangerous!!!

December 19, 2007

The douche admitted it.  He said, “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, any extremes of any political sort is dangerous.”

Well, douche, you’re right!  Any extremes of any political sort is dangerous – including extremely fat, extremely stupid, extremely uneducated, extremely untalented, extremely lazy, extremely jobless and extremely addicted to porn (SINNER!).

I think Chuckie might soon endorse someone for President.  And, since he is such a link whore and has enough time away from his job as glory-hole supervisor, he’s going to endorse….himself!!!

Go Chuckie, even a douche can be president.  Plus, you have a ready-made cabinet of blow-up dolls!!  You might want to clean them up first…and fix the torn seems on the ones you tried to lay on and they blew up.  Plus, don’t tell your Mom.  She might not let you be president since you failed so miserably at your last job.

Chuckie’s Outraged!!

December 16, 2007

Outraged!  Outraged!  The government is torturing people!  It is horrible!

Douche knows how those prisoners feel and empathizes.  Sitting in a cold, dark cell is just like sitting in Mom’s basement.  Getting transferred from place to place is just like getting job rejections from place after place.  Being deprived of human contact is just like being a fat, bald, ugly, sissy-loser that can’t get a date or make any friends.  Being chained to the floor is just like chaining your heart and not telling the dreamy body-builder neighbor your true feelings.

Being a prisoner that is tortured is just like the story of Chuckie’s life – fat, bald, stupid, uneducated, ugly, dirty, uncouthe, friendless, womanless and pathetic.  He understands why the prisoner tried to kill himself.  But, in the end, Chuckie is jealous of the prisoner.  The prisoner has been set free, but Chuckie will always be a douche, stuck in his mother’s basement, watching porn movies (SINNER) and waiting for Mommy to cook him dinner – no life, no future, no hope.

Cry yourself to sleep tonight Chuckie, knowing that Mike has shown mercy on you because he so much the better man.  You’ll live a long, unhappy, pathetic existance; never knowing happiness or experiencing joy – except when Mommy gives you a hand job while changing your diaper.

Chuckie – genius douche?

December 14, 2007

Ha!  That one made even me laugh…genius…I kill me!

It is quite obvious that the douche spends his day trolling around the intarwebs, reading political commentary, scratching his head, watching gay porn, eating several pizzas and then belching out some idiotic inanity that sounds political because he did a few cut and pastes from Michelle Malkin or Ann Coulter – two more women he can never have that are part of his nightly masturbation parade who come in line right after his dreamy body-builder neighbor.

El douche, your “take” on anything is idiotic.  I don’t even have to read it to know it is idiotic.  Face it, you are a high school drop out who couldn’t even learn to drive a truck.  You aren’t smart enough or significant enough to have an opinion that counts.  No one cares if you exist, except me, and that’s only because it amuses me to make fun of you.  If I wanted an opinion more important than yours, I would just look into the toilet when I was finished.

Yes, it was brilliant of you to “observe” that, after a full day’s discussion in the rest of the world, this would be a “black mark” on her campaign.  What does that mean anyway?  Is it going to effect her negatively?  Where – Iowa, New Hampshire, all over?  How many points will it drop her in the poles?  In what voter demographic will she suffer the most?  Why is it a black mark for her if she didn’t say it, didn’t know about it and apologized afterwards?

Wow, El douche, that is some really snappy and incisive political wisdom you handed out right there.  I think you may have swayed my vote!  Yes, you have changed my vote.  I now vote that you are a SISSY douchebag, rather than just a douche.  The more I read on your site, the further up the ladder I think you have to climb to blow an ant.  At this rate, you’ll never be able to reach the dreamy body-builders package – just one more sexual conquest out of your reach.

David Hazinski is a twit

December 14, 2007

First, Chuckie is a douche.

Second, this is the lamest article ever written.

As the Instapundit says, journalism is an activity, not a profession.  Anyone that has a set of facts to report can report them just as well as any journalist.  But, I like the idea of regulating journalist.  I like the idea because then they could be punished for lying, being wrong or just being biased.  It would be much easier to sue them, they’d have to carry professional liability insurance, they’d have to be very, very careful not to break thier own rules or regulations or it would be very easy to prove malpractice – just like it is for lawyers and doctors.

Yes, I like the idea of regulating and licensing journalists.

Too little, too late

December 14, 2007

Poor little Chuckie has been thoroughly abused and is feeling the heat.  Witness this whiney, sniveling post.  I hope I had something to do with that.  I can only hope that the Lord  put this in his head and he really means it…but I don’t really believe that.  I think he just got so much abuse from so many places that he couldn’t take it and is just trying to shut everyone up.

Well, I just started this blog today and I’m not quitting yet – not until he has received punishment equal to the offense.  That and the fact that I can be as cruel and uncouthe as I wish with a douche like that…and he makes me feel so much better about myself.

Even a douche’s douche thinks Chuckie is a douche.  Even the homeless point and laugh at the douch..  Even the mentally handicapped think the douche is slow.  Even those chicks on the 2 girls and 1 cup video don’t give a shit about you Chuck Adkins.  No one does.  Think about that as you cry yourself to sleep tonight.