Christmas presents!

Hey, douche!  Do you know what I’m doing right now?  I’m creating a photo album for my mother.  I took her on a ten day trip through Europe for her 80th birthday this year.  We went to London, Paris and Rome.  It was the trip of a lifetime for my sainted mother, beautiful wife and super-smart son.  It was absolutely incredible.

Why such an apparently lame Christmas gift for my mother?  Because it was the trip of a lifetime where we were all happy and amazed and feeling very special.  I’m giving her visual memories of one of the best times of her life.  That is something you will never experience because you are cruel and mean and a little man.  You are a complete failure at life because instead of trying to make something of yourself, you sat on your fat lazy ass and waited for the world to hand you something.  You got way more than you deserve.

You couldn’t make photo album of the best time you and your mother spent together – because it would consist entire of pictures of her changing your diaper.

Remember two things this Christmas, Chuckie.  Mommy drinks to forget YOU and no, the dreamy body-builder neighbor isn’t going to pretend to be Santa Claus just so you can kiss him.

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